Dear State Farm Claim Adjustor:
I'm writing in response to your request for additional information concerning my beekeeping accident. Please notice that in block #3 of the accident report form I wrote "trying to do the job alone" as the cause for my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust that the following information will be sufficient. I am a hobbyist beekeeper living in the heart of my city. The only place I can keep my hives is on the top of the six-story apartment house where I live.
When I harvest honey I am not allowed to carry it on the elevator or down the stairs becasue I never seem to be able to get all the bees off of the combs. Besides, dripping sticky honey down six flights of stairs creates an ant problem. So I designed an ingenious method, utilizing a pulley mounted at the edge of the roof, and a rope attached to a platform that enables me to lower the heavy honey supers to the ground so they can be taken to a friends house where there is extracting equipment. This past year my hives produced far more honey than usual so I had a bountiful crop to harvest.
On the date of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of this six-story building. I first secured the rope at ground level, then I went up to the roof and harvested eight supers of honey that weighed a total of 600 pounds. I moved the platform over the edge and carefully stacked the supers on it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the 600 pounds of honey supers. Now, you will note in block #2 of your accident report form that I weigh 250 pounds.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building! In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the platform coming down...this explains the fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid acsent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were buried four knuckles deep in the pulley. Fortunately, by the time I had regained my prescence of mind, I was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my great pain.
At approximately the same time, however, the platform of honey hit the ground and the honey supers fell off. Devoid of the weight of the honey supers, the platform now weighs approximately 50 pounds. ( I refer you again to my weight in block #2 of the accident report form.) As you can imagine, I began a rapid rate of descent - down the side of the building. Somewhere in the vicinity of the third floor, I again met the platfrom coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations of my legs and lower body.
The encounter with the platform slowed me enouh to lessen the injuries I received as I fell onto the scattered pile of honey supers and frames. Fortunately, only three vertabrae were cracked. I am sorry to report that, as I lay there in unbearable pain, my body embedded in the broken, mushed honey combs wet with honey, and unable to sit up, and watching the empty platform six stories above me, I again lost my prescence of mind and let go of the rope. The empty platform, weighing more than the rope, came immediately down upon me, breaking both legs. In the confusion I barely noticed the 50 or so bee stings I received upon the face. That explains my closed eyes and puffy ears. In conclusion, I sincerely hope I have furnished the information you required as to how the accident occured. All because: I was trying to do the job alone.
I found this posted over at reddit.com/r/Beekeeping. I have edited it for my insurance company and approximate weight.
To all my friends, this did not happen to me, i just found this funny and wanted to share it.